Cut that out!

I am a feminist.

Notice that I didn't say I'm a Black feminist. That was intentional. Cos in the game in my mind being a woman who believes in equality for my sex in this world it seems ridiculous to me to divide our efforts over race. People argue that the struggle isn't the same because the racial experiences differ in our country. Please. No 2 women's experiences are the same in any life. That's what makes us individuals.

To my mind our combined individual experiences: Black, White, tall, short, crazed and sane should combine together for analysis. We should be looking at each other and saying 'That happened to me too!' and putting our efforts towards how we can things better for all. These debates on color, culture and passion only take away from strengthening our cause. Who wins then? A blessed few! Who should be winning? Our sex as a whole!

Whenever I hear these bouts of infighting and division I find myself wanting to stand up and yell "Get your heads in the game!" We still make less on the dollar than men. We still can't afford venture out in our world without the assumption we're going to be safe from sexual assaults. We still can't get affordable healthcare to our sisters across the country let alone across the friggin waters! We don't have to stop and weigh our struggles and sort them by color, class or economics to identify them as struggles. We need to focus on lessening the burdens PERIOD.

But that's just this loud mouth feminist's opinion.

All about Honey

Ladies we need to talk.

I'm tired of y'all freaking out because you're not thin enough, you don't wear enough make-up, your baby has stretched your body ways you can't get back, etc, etc, etc.

CUT THAT SHIT OUT!

Now if you know me you know 'I don't give a damn' should be my middle name. I'm lazy. But I don't have the same low expectations for y'all. As a matter of fact I have just the opposite. I expect the women of the world to realize how awesome you are. You. Not that actress or pop star or even the yummy mummy whose kids go to school with yours. What you got, someone wants. Don't believe me?

Get naked. Go ahead. Get naked in front of your partner/your crush/your postman for all I care. And if they play for your team, you're gonna get a reaction. And dollars to donuts, it's going to be a reaction of the positive variety. Things like that, don't happen for everyone. Things like that happen for people who know what they got, how good it is and how to put it to good use.

Now I'm not saying that you're going to spend every waking moment feeling like Heidi Klum tearing up the VS runway with an insane amount of men doing some spanking to your strut over the internet. You're going to have bad days. We all do. But on your days when you wake up and your boobs are feeling like they're 22 again, you let them strut. The days your hair decides that it's part of a shampoo commercial, you flip that mane until you need a neck brace. Stop worrying about what you don't have or what you'll have one day and start enjoying what you do have and how you can show it off.

The world is full of potential Poohs, you just gotta let them know you have the honey they want. And you do, so stop whining and start working it!

I do, but you don't have to

I think every person gives thought to spending the rest of their life with someone. From the beginning we're giving bridal Barbies to play with, we're dressed up in pretty white dresses and play pretend bride in others' weddings. Our society tells us over and over again 'One day someone will love you so much that you'll gather everyone around you to celebrate that love.' It isn't until you're older that they add 'But this will only happen if...'

At different times in history the conditions were numerous, some legal while others were social. You could only have a marriage if you were both a certain age. You could only have a marriage if you were both born a certain color. You could only have a marriage if you were parts of the same faith. These limitations were put in place to maintain the status quo of the time. But as people realized that life expectancy was expanding, getting married at 14 became less common and we evolved. As couples of different racial backgrounds met and developed loving relationships the laws evolved. The same was true when people of different faiths did the same. Evolution happened.

Now even as things changed, things still remained the same for some people. There are still people of devout religions who only marry within their religion. There are still people who get married under the age of 18. There are still people who only marry another who shares their racial or ethnic background. None of these people have allowed change, be they social or legal, stop them from practicing what they believe.

As the same sex marriage debate wages on, I see many religious banners saying that they're not hateful for not wanting same sex marriages. And they're right. They're not hateful for wanting same sex marriages. What they are is discriminatory. They want certain conditions to be met in order to allow marriage. If you and your partner don't have opposing genitalia, they feel that you don't qualify for married status. And while that may be true within the context of their church, that doesn't mean it should be the same within our society.

I was raised that we live in a unique melting pot. A mix of different races, ethnic backgrounds, religions and the beauty of America has been we've evolved to living together with ambitions of equality and prosperity for all. With so many views and ideals, this isn't easy. But we've come to rely on mutual respect to keep us focused. We've built laws based on respect of person, property and rights for those who live within our borders and beyond.  

Same sex marriage isn't about if you believe in being gay or not. It's about having the rights your neighbors have. It's removing conditions that are excluding a part of our population. If you don't 'believe' in gay marriage (I use the quotes because it's not a unicorn, it's real and happens) then don't practice it. Add that to your list of things that aren't for you, but don't use the law to make it something that isn't for everyone. None of us can, not one, can speak for every person in this country. Much as we like to, it's impossible. But what is possible is allowing everyone pursue life, love and happiness within the bounds of respect.

Don't believe in gay marriage. Or do. But don't deny people the respect of having the same rights you enjoy.

The Steubenville Takeaway

Why?

If you've ever spent an extended amount of time with a toddler, you've heard this question. After the recent Steubenville conviction I find myself thinking of those tiny voices pressing for answers.

A friend of mine recently had her 3rd child, a little girl. As the pictures of her make their rounds on Facebook, people compliment her looks, muse on her features and congratulate her parents on their good fortune. Not once in any of the comments did anyone say 'Statistically your daughter has a 1 in 6 chance of being a rape victim! Hope she's not that 1!'

I have 4 nieces. Beautiful, bright, funny girls who bring a smile to my face just with the thought of them. I also have 4 nephews that I adore just a much. If it were up to me they would live in a world without any hint of harm or hurt for them or any child for that matter.

But that's not life. There is hurt and pain and disappointment in our everyday. Some lasts seconds, others lifetimes. The duration does not matter. What does matter is how we learn and grow in the aftermath of what has happened. This belief doesn't just apply to when something happens to you, but even when it happens to others.

My eldest nephew once accidentally brushed his teeth with A&D ointment.  Other than a little scare and literally a horrible taste left in his mouth, he was fine. He has two younger siblings. Neither of them has had that same experience. Why? The same A&D was in their house, kept in the same place, that hadn't changed. No, what was different for his younger siblings was that when it came time to brush their teeth, they had an older, experienced brother who knew the toothpaste from the ointment. His unfortunate experience has spared them similar experiences.

So now that we've all made it thru the shock of the initial incident in Steubenville, the resulting investigation, trail and conviction, what comes next?

For a lot of people nothing. They're done shaking their heads about the unfortunate matter of it all and back to fretting over their own daily worries. For others it will linger in the back of their minds, a reminder of things they hate about our society yet feel it's too big to change or effect on their own.

I find myself to be one of those people who often has matters like these linger in the back of my mind. I'm no superhero. I can barely change the sheets on my bed without feeling like I'm owed a two weeks all expenses paid vacation in Hawaii, let alone lead a revolution against sexual assault. But doing nothing, that's not an option.

So what am I going to do? I'm going to remember that there are 8 kids in my life that are counting on my experiences and knowledge to make it thru. So what do I pass on to them that I learned from this debacle?

I pass on that your actions don't just effect you. When you do something it doesn't just effect you. Those boys didn't just hurt their peer that night. Yes she carries the brunt of the physical and mental scars but she's not the only one. The families involved, the community of Steubenville and even further beyond has been effected. Consequences aren't apparent in the moments before you act. Yes, even though you know that what you do doesn't stop at your door, you'll still make mistakes. But if you act with consideration, not only of yourself but of the people around you, you're less likely that those mistakes will be the kind like Steubenville's. None of us lives in a bubble. So we have to do everything we can to be caring and considerate of each other at every opportunity.